1 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,440 - I was supposed to be getting home, 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,210 my wife was getting ready for us to go out to dinner, 3 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,060 maybe a movie or something like that. 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,820 I remember seeing taillight of the car 5 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:17,283 in front of me to the left, 6 00:00:17,870 --> 00:00:19,483 an the car nosedive, 7 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,460 he panic braked, he got on those brakes extremely hard 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:28,870 and then, I remember seeing him come into my lane 9 00:00:28,870 --> 00:00:33,440 extremely quickly, giving me not enough room to 10 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,123 to even really react. 11 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,460 I remember hitting the ground, 12 00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:40,880 I don't remember much after that for a while, 13 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,463 and then I remember kind of coming to, 14 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,800 I don't know how long it was 15 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,620 with the driver that had contacted me here, 16 00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:52,813 he was in shock he thought he had killed me. 17 00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:55,420 I needed my government phone and my personal 18 00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:58,740 so that I can call my first sergeant and let him know 19 00:00:58,740 --> 00:00:59,793 what was going on. 20 00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:02,250 And then also to call my wife, 21 00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:05,160 and let her know that I was no longer 22 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,330 going to be having date night at a restaurant, 23 00:01:07,330 --> 00:01:09,280 we were going to be doing it in the ER. 24 00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:13,870 - He called me and I was like, that's weird, 25 00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:15,300 he already said he was on his way home, 26 00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,130 like, you know, why is he calling me, 27 00:01:17,130 --> 00:01:19,610 so I had this sinking feeling 28 00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:21,240 before I even answered my phone 29 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,040 like something was wrong 30 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,556 and then I answered and he said 31 00:01:25,556 --> 00:01:30,287 "don't freak out, I'm okay, but I was in an accident." 32 00:01:31,749 --> 00:01:32,960 You know, just seeing him laying there 33 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,100 in the hospital bed, and I was just hugged him 34 00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:38,590 and said, "are you sure you're okay?" 35 00:01:38,590 --> 00:01:40,907 Because he's the kind of person that's like, 36 00:01:40,907 --> 00:01:44,200 "oh, I'm alright" and just dusts himself off and 37 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,803 no big deal, but I was a little worried still at that point. 38 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,893 - Right away I had headaches, 39 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:07,280 I just thought it was from hitting my head on the ground 40 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:12,657 and I was having a harder time communicating 41 00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,183 and holding conversations. 42 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:19,580 After about, I would say anywhere from three weeks 43 00:02:19,580 --> 00:02:20,673 to about a month, 44 00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:26,010 I started having issues because of 45 00:02:26,820 --> 00:02:28,210 the headaches and whatnot 46 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,343 and not being able to communicate, 47 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,543 dealing with other things, so, 48 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,680 my wife would ask me a question, 49 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,133 and I couldn't it answer it quickly enough because, 50 00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:41,690 I had what I call the spitting wheel of death in my head, 51 00:02:41,690 --> 00:02:43,090 so you click a mouse a million times 52 00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:44,603 and it just spins for you, 53 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,950 that was what was happening in my head. 54 00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:48,950 Your brain only has x amount of marbles 55 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:50,963 to divvy up two tasks. 56 00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:54,210 And when your brain is dealing with pain, 57 00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:56,630 and a lot of it, whether it's headaches and 58 00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:59,783 just all the broken bones I had and all that, 59 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,660 it had divvied up all it's marbles, 60 00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:06,143 and it could no longer mute or tone down the senses, 61 00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:09,363 so that you don't hear somebody shooting, 62 00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:11,970 so that you don't hear somebody breathing, 63 00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:14,103 or you don't hear the hum of the lights 64 00:03:14,103 --> 00:03:15,663 and stuff like that, 65 00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:19,283 and because I wasn't able to do that, 66 00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:21,543 I wasn't able to tone them out, 67 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,490 it would frustrate me 68 00:03:23,627 --> 00:03:27,910 and make me pretty upset to where I would flip out on people 69 00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:30,780 - I felt like I was walking on eggshells, 70 00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:34,610 and I would get ice by hand on an ice maker 71 00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:36,670 like I just tried to be quiet 72 00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:40,163 and not frustrate him, 73 00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:44,270 but some days you see him struggling 74 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:46,220 when he's trying to form a sentence so, 75 00:03:46,270 --> 00:03:47,180 it's just 76 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,860 natural to wanna try and help someone 77 00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:53,040 when you see them struggling 78 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,300 but that would just make him more upset 79 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,830 because he, again, is stubborn 80 00:03:57,830 --> 00:04:00,823 and he wanted to figure it out on his own. 81 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,853 - I mean it was probably one of the hardest decisions 82 00:04:07,853 --> 00:04:09,363 I've ever had to make. 83 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,060 Because, not only is there a stigma, 84 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:16,650 oh it's going to ruin your career, and whatnot 85 00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:20,750 but I'm also, I'm supposed to be the head of the household, 86 00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:22,913 I'm the macho, 87 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:26,283 I'm a Type A personality, 88 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,210 so I didn't want to be seen as weak so 89 00:04:30,550 --> 00:04:32,893 I think it kinda hit me from both sides. 90 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,633 The people I talked to were amazing, 91 00:04:43,690 --> 00:04:45,140 just for the simple fact that 92 00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:47,683 right away I could tell that they cared, 93 00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:51,803 not only about me but also my career and my family, 94 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:56,053 and they could tell that I had a genuine need to be there. 95 00:04:56,286 --> 00:04:59,140 So, you know, they sprung right into action, 96 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:00,700 started listening to what was going on 97 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,533 and they 98 00:05:02,574 --> 00:05:04,880 they didn't do a referral to neurology, 99 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,230 they walked me to neurology. 100 00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:11,530 - Doctors, neuropsychologist started asking me questions 101 00:05:11,530 --> 00:05:15,760 like what he was like before, what he was like now, 102 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,290 you know, does he get angry, does he yell, 103 00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:22,260 does he, you know, we went over all that 104 00:05:23,626 --> 00:05:27,633 and that's when they knew something has to be wrong with him 105 00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:30,253 I'm seeing it, the kids would see it. 106 00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:33,130 - So, I mean obviously I talked to my mental health provider 107 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:34,340 and stuff like that 108 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,440 how to know when it's becoming overwhelming 109 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,280 and not 110 00:05:41,860 --> 00:05:44,410 I guess not falling off that edge or off that cliff 111 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:47,490 you have to know the cues, you have to know what's going on, 112 00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:50,790 some as simple as being able to take yourself away 113 00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:52,890 from that situation and go for a think 114 00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:56,670 or write down in a journal what is going on 115 00:05:57,108 --> 00:06:01,190 and helping relieve that feeling 116 00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:02,663 of being overwhelmed. 117 00:06:03,524 --> 00:06:05,290 - I think this is the new normal 118 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,750 I don't think he's ... 119 00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,630 They've tried so much for his pain 120 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:10,530 and his headaches 121 00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:13,890 and I don't think he's gonna be back 100% 122 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:15,180 like he was before 123 00:06:15,812 --> 00:06:18,479 but I'm okay with that, now 124 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,920 we've gotten passed it, 125 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,540 we have a very healthy marriage 126 00:06:22,551 --> 00:06:25,273 and I think things are amazing 127 00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:28,570 He's a good guy (laughter) 128 00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:31,770 Don't lie, he's a good guy and he's a great dad 129 00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:32,853 and I love him. 130 00:06:35,232 --> 00:06:36,065 - I don't think I could've, 131 00:06:36,065 --> 00:06:37,810 I don't think I would've recovered 132 00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:40,960 as well as I have without having 133 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,670 the network I have here at Travis. 134 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,640 The people that are going through something, 135 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,313 I want them to know they can be strong by asking for help, 136 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:53,940 on the flip side, I also want supervisors to understand 137 00:06:55,470 --> 00:06:58,713 and be able to pick out when somebody does need help, 138 00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:03,260 they need to have the strength or the power to ask 139 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:07,283 the hard questions, and to ensure that our airmen, 140 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,800 our family that has US Air Force on their left breast pocket 141 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,733 is completely taken care of.